i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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