I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
