Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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