My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
