i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
