well I can't set my house on fire every night
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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