I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
