Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
