so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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