no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
