I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
