two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
