guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
