I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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