i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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