I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
