I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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