:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
