those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i think i have two assholes
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
