Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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