Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
