rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
