First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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