their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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