3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
