Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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