Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
even my farts smell like vagina
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
