it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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