I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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