And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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