Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
