Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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