We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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