Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
