I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
