also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He better not be in your backpack
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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