I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
