Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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