My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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