just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
