I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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