My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
