id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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