my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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