I CAN MOONWALK!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
