The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
high people should be assigned attendants
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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