why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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