and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
