At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
