We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
