so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
