Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
