I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
