I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
