Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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