Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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