in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
