Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
