Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
