Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
