Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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