I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
