It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
