Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
All I want is dick and wine.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
