you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
