Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
