Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
