So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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