I'm drive I can fine osifer
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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