When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
